Dear Cough, you have been bothering me for days now. Go bugger off and bother somebody else. Take Headache with you while you're at it.
Dear Student Loan People, thank you so much for sending me that lovely reminder about how much I already owe you. Why don't you go fall in a well? I still say this money should be a gift you're giving me for my contribution to society. Some may say that the contribution doesn't begin until I start work but I disagree for I am contributing significantly to the ice cream and alcohol industries. I am a beautiful and necessary cog in the machine of economic life.
Dear As Yet Unwritten History Essay, please leave me alone.