Caroline (crystalcazzie) wrote,

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Non-Grown up Ramblings

My hours at work have gone up again (thanks to rebin) and now I'm doing 9:30-5:30 every day I feel less like a total failure at life and more like a proper adult with a proper job. Go me.

That feeling faded slightly when I got home and found one of my eBay purchases had arrived slightly damaged. Now, the proper grown-up thing to do would be to send an email to the seller explaining the situation, but I have a hard enough time emailing people I know, let alone total strangers, so since it's only slightly damaged I just left feedback and mentioned it there.

I also got a letter saying a membership had expired and I have seven days to keep it going if I renew now! But that was renewed weeks ago. A cheque was sent off before I went to America. So how do I sort that out? Well, they include a handy phone number to call if you have any questions. Assuming, of course, that making phone calls is an easy, non-extreme-anxiety-inducing thing to do.

But the thing is, it is an easy thing to do. For normal people anyway. So that made me feel even more like a pathetic failure. I'm 27 years old! People my age have bills and responsibilities and rent and some even have families and mortgages. They worry about serious things, they have real life problems. And here I am almost going to pieces over the thought that I might have to phone someone up.

It also reminded me of the letter to Trailfinders that I planned to write but probably never will because I have no idea what to say and the simple act of writing a letter stresses me out far more than is reasonable.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be a responsible adult. I'm not sure I'd survive on my own.

But whatever, I have beer and beer makes everything better. I have a Peroni because when I went to get a Carlsberg I found that a spider had set up home over the opening of the box and of course I couldn't disturb him. Perhaps he was judging me for my drinking habits.

And in other good news, tonight sees the return of University Challenge! I plan to watch it while cooking dinner; spaghetti bolognese made with quorn that expired three days ago. It's unopened so I'm sure it'll be fine, but just in case I die of food poisoning, I demand that you all come to my funeral and give speeches about how much of a responsible adult I was.
Tags: drinking, food, me total loser, social anxiety, television, work

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