November 11th, 2021

DW River hair

Never Ending

Today's focus was on clearing out the airing cupboard and the small cupboard above it. The latter was absolutely crammed full of old fabrics, most of which have been in there for decades, and now that they're out I can see all the holes in the ceiling. I don't know why I'm still surprised to find things like this. I've known for ages that this house is falling apart.

I'm feeling overwhelmed again. There's so much wrong with this place I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to sort it all out. Sometimes I genuinely think it would be best to tear it all down and rebuilt from scratch, but I know that's not practical. At least not without winning a load of money on the lottery. Maybe we should just sell it and move, but it's not like that's easy to do either. Between the state of the house and all the clutter we still have that never seems to end no matter how much I throw away, I just can't see it happening.

I feel trapped. Trapped and miserable and I hate it.