April 2nd, 2021

DW River hair

Slow Going

The decluttering is coming along slowly. I know slow progress is better than no progress, but I still feel bad about how much I end up keeping. I managed to clear out about half of my goth-y clothes and took them to the donation bin, but I couldn't bear to part with the rest so they're now bagged up and just sitting in a corner mocking me with my failure.

I did get rid of a load of old sixth-form college work, so that's a success. I glanced at some of my physics notes and wondered how on earth I ever understood any of it in the first place. It's definitely not anything I'm going to be using again! And as well as my actual work I'd also kept pretty much every piece of paper ever given to me so, you know, if anyone is interested in applying to university in 2002 I have a lot of literature that could be useful to you. Although you will have to go through my recycling in order to get it...

I also threw away a lot of plastic toys and action figures, mostly ones that I bought while at university for the photo story that Sarah and I had a lot of fun planning out and coming up with ideas for but never actually finished. I did feel sad throwing them away, but it's not like I've got any use for them any more. I hold on to so many things from my past that I don't need or even want any more because for some reason it feels wrong to get rid of them. Almost like I feel I might suddenly return to the me of fifteen years ago and suddenly have a desperate need for that stuff again.

I think that's actually a big part of my problem. There's so much stuff I feel like I have to keep cos past-me needed it. I just have to keep reminding myself that past-me is me and if I don't need it now then I don't need it.