August 17th, 2011

Pearlswine Loser Croc

Phone Fail

Today my manager asked me to call some people who've applied for jobs and arrange interviews with them. As I've mentioned before, using the phone is a major source of anxiety for me. But after the initial spike of panic I was, for some strange reason, gripped by foolish optimism. I thought that this could be good for me, that if I could do this I'd gain confidence and be able to use the phone from now on and that would open up more job prospects for me and I could feel good about myself and proud of my accomplishments.

Shame it didn't work out like that. I hope nobody looked into the office while I was pacing around with my hands over my head feeling like I was crawling out of my skin. That would have been difficult to explain.

I did manage to make the calls, which is something of an achievement I suppose. And I think I only sounded like a total idiot on two of them. Of course a lot of people didn't answer so I only actually spoke to a few. I should have left voice messages but I dread to think what panicky jibberish would have resulted if I had.

So... I faced my fears and came away feeling stupid and useless. Good job.

And tomorrow I'm supposed to try again to call the people I didn't get through to today. So I'm looking forward to an evening and night of ever increasing anxiety as that looms closer.