There are other layers I've tried to add to his personality but I'm worried that it just looks like bad writing. Which, on top of the actual bad writing, would completely ruin any chances of a good mark.
The other worry I have is that I started the story with him as a SIer and I don't want to give the impression that all SIers are whiny and self-centered.
Plus there's still the original worry that it's a boring story!
I don't know how to end it either. I have a line I want to close with but it doesn't fit with what I want him to do. So it's an either or situation. I guess I'll have to think about it some more.
Or just write a completely different story.
Oh, while we're on the subject. I wrote Lava Doom:
Once upon a time in old Pompeii the men were going about their business, the women were in their houses and the slaves were doing all the work.
“Good morning.” Said one man to another, although of course he said it in Latin. “And how are you today?”
“I am good.” Replied the other. “I recently acquired a new slave girl in trade for some beans.”
“Why, of course.”
The conversation proceeded in much the same manner, when suddenly they heard a rumble. Not knowing what it was they looked up and realised that Mount Vesuvius was erupting.
“Oh dear.” Said the first man. “It appears that the volcano is erupting.”
“Yes.” Said the second. “We will all surely die.”
“Bit of a bummer.” Said the first, although I am not sure if there is a word in Latin for bummer.
“Yes.” Said the second. “It is rather.”
The two men parted ways to return to their homes, pack their belongings and run for their lives. Unfortunately they didn’t make it and were covered in hot ash from the volcano.
And so they died. Which was sad. But then Latin students of the future got to read about them. Which was good. Unless you don’t like Latin. Which is bad. Because Latin rocks. Which is good.
And igneous rocks used to be lava. See how it all ties together?