Caroline (crystalcazzie) wrote,

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It's Back

Yes, back by popular demand, I give you the very first season three Prison Break recap:

Episode 3.01 - Orientación

Previously on Prison Break: A lot of shit happened.

Now on Prison Break: Some woman is using make up to cover up some deep scratches on her face. I wonder if this will be relevant later.


Sona at night

Michael watches as a load of prisoners form a circle and shout and scream at a couple of men obviously getting ready to put the smackdown on each other

American Embassy

Lincoln is finding himself on the other side of justice and trying to get someone to help him get Michael out of prison. He finds Exposition Clerk, who explains that Sona is a Very Bad Place where the prisoners rioted so badly that the guards pulled back to the perimeter and left the inmates to form their own little society.

He then delivers the ominous statement that what goes in never comes out. Unless it’s dead. Just in case you didn’t understand the gravity of Very Bad Place.


As if to prove Exposition Man’s point, the two men from before fight brutally until one snaps the other’s neck.

With the fun over, the other prisoners disperse, leaving Michael to stare at the body in horror. Bet Fox River doesn’t look so bad now, eh Michael?


New credits. Lots of new people, who I don’t yet know but I’m sure I will. But no Dr Sara. She better not be gone for good or I will be very upset. And I’m sure Michael will be too.


American Embassy, the next morning.

Lincoln has found the American Consul, who is right now doing his best to get Michael out of Sona. And it seems he has been successful. He informs Lincoln that Michael will be transferred in 48 hours and should end up a free man. Which Lincoln already is. Bet that feels weird after all this time.

The Consul says that their story about the government agent with a gun checks out. Lincoln casually asks if they happened to find a bag full of money while they were there. The Consul is all “who with the what now?”



When the sun is shining, it’s actually quite a bright and cheerful place. Especially with the multi-coloured picnic table umbrellas. Weird.

Michael has spent the night sleeping against a pillar. With no obvious ill-effects the next morning. I’m sure Dr Sara will be pleased by this evidence of his flexibility.

Big Bad Bellick is staggering along, beaten and in his underwear. That is not a sight anyone should have to see. Some inmates come along and bully him for a bit and I actually feel sorry for the bastard. I’ll have to re-watch some season one to rid myself of this uncomfortable feeling.

Another underwear-clad inmate helps him up and they bond over being the bitches of Sona.

Elsewhere, Crazy Mahone is jonesing real bad. His magic pill pen is out of pills. He’s screwed now.

Just as he begins to contemplate a life off drugs, complete with flashbacks to all the nasty things he did last year, his arch-nemesis walks by to offer a distraction. Crazy Mahone demands that Michael helps him when his court date comes by admitting that he planted the drugs. Michael doesn’t really see why he should help and wants to know why the Conspiracy wanted him in Sona. Mahone says he doesn’t know and was just following orders.

Mahone suggests they work together and I perk up, since I’ve been saying that for ages now, but Michael dashes my hopes by reminding us all that Mahone killed his father. I had, in fact, forgotten about that.


Outside Sona

A woman is standing outside the fence, screaming for them to bring out her dead husband.

Lincoln is also there, but he has found the guard shack and is able to arrange a meeting. The guard makes him sign one of those health and safety forms that says his estate can’t sue if he manages to get himself killed while visiting. It’s also made clear that nay attempt to help an inmate escape will result in instant death. Lincoln is shocked by the very idea. Shocked, I say!

He watches a nun go in before him and enter the actual prison, whereas he has to see Michael through the chainlink fence, caging in the area Michael is allowed out into.

The brothers keep things light. Michael asks if he’s there to break him out but Linc doesn’t think so, too tiring what with all the running. Michael points out that he should have lost the cowboy boots.

Lincoln informs him about the imminent transfer and trial. Michael is more interested about a certain someone. Linc admits that he has no idea where Dr Sara is.

Michael says he has to find her and that she’s important to him. This is so hard to watch with the idea that she might not actually be coming back. No Dr Sara would break poor little Michael’s heart! And mine too…

The brothers say a manly goodbye, with promises to see each other tomorrow if Michael’s still, you know, alive.

Back inside Sona, an annoying boy tries to talk to Michael about basketball. Does this have any significance? Who knows, for at that moment a scary guy comes over to inform Michael that it is time for orientation and the kid makes like a tree.


Elsewhere in Sona, a woman in underwear is redressing in her nun’s outfit. She a fake nun! I am shocked and appalled!

The man who has just been enjoying her fake-nun service is Lechero, which, according to the behind the scenes show I watched yesterday, is Spanish for ‘milkman’. I’m not sure that quite fits the huge, black guy who looks like he’d have no problem with beating your face in, but whatever.

Lechero is clearly the big man on campus here. The new inmates are led in and lined up. Lechero gives them his welcome to Sona speech, complete with multicultural pride. Did you know they have 27 different nationalities there? Wow. But no gangs or racially motivated crimes, because they all know that Lech will beat them down if they step out of line. He seems to think that’s egalitarianism. No one disagrees with this, probably because they know he will beat them down if they do.

Now it’s sharing time. No one speaks up with anything juicy. Lechero calls Michael out and reveals that they apparently get TV in this hell hole of a prison and he’s been watching Prison Break the news, so he knows all about the famous Mr Scofield.

He then explains that the way to solve differences in Sona is to give someone the order of the chicken foot. Ew. This means that you want to fight them.

Lechero mocks Crazy Mahone for shaking, obviously mistaking his withdrawal for fear. Mahone is not intimidated. Or at least, not as intimidated as the guy next to him, who wets himself. Lech is not happy and violence results.

After watching the poor guy be beaten for a while, Michael shouts that he thinks he gets the message. Lechero isn’t overly happy with this interruption to his happy fun beating time, but since he’s in a nice mood he decides not to challenge Michael to a fight to the death just yet.

The inmates leave, leaving Lechero and Fake Nun to chat about how they think that session went. Lechero is concerned that Michael’s fame will lead the other prisoners to follow him. He is also apparently a teenage girl, as he wants to know if Fake Nun finds Michael hotter than him. Fake Nun insists that Lechy baby is the hottest man in all of Panama. Lech tells her to be honest, since even he can see that Michael is a fine example of a man. Fake Nun admits that, yeah, he’s pretty hot. Lech’s fragile ego can’t take this and he tells her to get out and never ever come back. He then pulls out his diary and laments about how unfair it is that this new, popular, hot guy has just arrived and no one will like him any more. That last part may not be entirely accurate.


But Lechero needn’t fear. He may think that Michael is sitting around, plotting prison domination, but actually he’s sitting around pining for his love. He flashes back to Michael/Sara moments of the past and once again, I really, REALLY hope she comes back.

Over in a police station, Lincoln is doing his bit for the Find Sara Campaign. He waves her picture around, asking if anyone’s seen her and making the policeman promise to call him if he finds out anything.


Back in Sona.

Bellick’s friend now has shoes to go with his underwear. Bellick wonders where he managed to find them. Why, off the dead guy of course.

Before Bellick can decide if this is the worst thing he’s ever heard or not, the guy who rounded up Michael comes to tell them that they have to start earning their rent. By cleaning the toilets.

In a slightly more pleasant area of Sona, Lechero surveys his domain from the upper level and makes eye contact with an inmate before nodding towards Michael. The inmate apparently understands this subtle communication and nods back.

Before we can ponder this too much, one of Lechero’s goons comes up to him to tell him that another American has arrived, and he’s got this hand…

Yes, it is indeed T-Bag. How fun for you, Michael. It’s like a prison reunion of all your least favourite people.

But Michael is called away to a visitor. It’s a really sweaty man who introduces himself as Elliot Pike and says he wants to be his lawyer. Michael points out that he already has a lawyer. Elliot then says that he has a lot of big guns behind him, which would be a very big help if Michael ever wanted to, you know, break out of prison.

Michael is not interested. Elliot says that there was a reason he ended up in Sona. He leaves, but not before saying that they tried to do this the easy way. Oh, that sounds ominous.

After this meeting, Michael returns to his bunk for some nice rest and Dr Sara remembering. But before he can even sit down, the nodding guy from the courtyard is in his face accusing him of stealing his stash.

Lechero breaks it up before permanent damage can be done to Michael’s pretty face and mediates the dispute. Nodding Guy says that Michael stole from him. Michael, straight-laced guy that he is, denies it and allows them to search his person and his bunk.

Of course, the drugs turn up underneath his mattress. Michael declares this to be bull. How nice that even in a prison full of the worst murderers, thieves and rapists in the world, they still watch their language.

Lechero declares them both scumbags. He is shocked and appalled that drug use and thievery could go on in his prison. Nodding Guy leaves, but this isn’t over.


Outside of prison, life isn’t much better. Lincoln gets a call from the police telling him that a woman matching Dr Sara’s description has turned up. Linc is all excited until he finds out that she’s currently in the morgue.


Back in Sona, Bellick and his friend are politely lining up for food, only to be refused by the serving guy who is currently munching on a chicken leg. Bellick’s friend begs that he hasn’t eaten in the week since he’s been there. Bellick must be worrying about his own chances right about now.

The two walk through the corridors. Bellick’s friend is freaking out about having to find his own food. Apparently a mental break isn’t far behind as he jumps up, pulls the wire off a window, hops out and makes a break for freedom.

In the courtyard, Michael is fiddling with an origami swan when T-Bag comes over to flirt and wonder why the government would want Michael in a place like Sona.

But before they can ponder that question too much, the news of the escape attempt reaches the masses. The inmates rush to the windows to watch the poor bastard get himself killed.

He makes a good go of it. Dropping from the window, he runs towards the fence. The guards in the towers shout for him to stop, but he disregards this. So they shoot him. With machine guns. Which apparently don’t cause bullet wounds or draw any blood. Hmm, magic machine guns.

Michael is having a really bad day now, and it only gets worse as he returns to his cell and finds someone has left him a chicken foot as a present.


Lincoln, meanwhile, is also not doing so well. He’s at the morgue. When he’s told where the body was found, he realises that that was the last place he saw Dr Sara. This doesn’t bode well.

But when the sheet is pulled back, Lincoln is able to breathe a little easier and declare that it’s not her. He doesn’t have to devastate his brother just yet.


Over in Sona, Michael seeks out Lechero, who is really not surprised to see him holding the chicken foot. He points out that someone has thrown down the gauntlet on Michael, presumably for the benefit of viewers who aren’t quite sure what’s going on.

Michael says they both know that he didn’t take those drugs. Lechero is all, hey not my problem. I just make sure people follow the rules. And the rules say that you’ve got to fight now.

Michael says that he’ll be leaving tomorrow, so it won’t be necessary. I really think it would have been better to keep that quiet and just leave before you had to fight anyone. But now that he knows this, Lech is going to schedule the fight for tonight.

The camera then moves into a grate and down and we see some guy listening in the dark. Since I assume he will be important, I dub him Wall Guy.

Lech is still harping on about his system and order. Michael asks what happens if he refuses to fight but Lech tells him that’s not an option.

Michael wants to know if Lechero always sets up his fights. Lechero has no idea what he’s talking about. Honestly. Michael points out that he’s the only person here who has a problem with him. I guess he’s blocked T-Bag and Mahone out of his mind. I don’t count Bellick since he’s in no shape to do anything to anyone.


Speaking of Bellick, he’s in the sewers burning shit. And I mean that literally.

Wall Guy is also there, on the other side of the wall, and whistles him over. He promises to feed Bellick in return for a favour. Bellick demands food first and is provided with a piece of something. He wonders where Wall Guy got chicken. Wall Guy didn’t. We don’t find out what exactly the mystery meat is, but I’m sure it’s disgusting.

The favour that Wall Guy wants involves two pieces of paper, which he gives to Bellick.


Lincoln, meanwhile, finds his day a little better when he gets a phone call from his son. He wonders how LJ got his number and LJ explains that he ran into Sara, who got the number from the consulate. In the words of Chandler Bing, could this BE any more suspicious? I don’t think Sara and LJ have even met, how are they supposed to run into each other? And isn’t LJ off with Jane living a normal life? And why didn’t Sara call immediately?

Anyway, LJ wants Linc to meet them on top of the Garfield Building at 8:30.


In Sona, the inmates are making bets as to whether Michael or Nodding Guy will bite it. As Lechero and his friends go by, a nervous inmate spills his drink on Lech’s shoes. Lech toys with him for a moment before telling him to clear off.

T-Bag seizes his opportunity to show what a good little sycophant he can be. He really lays it on think, saying that he offers ablution, a humble sign of friendship from a stranger who has come into his house. He kneels and offers his leg for Lechero to put his shoe on, before washing the spilt drink off with his own cup of water. He spills a little and blames it on his false hand, saying that he’s only half a man.

Lechero is pleased with the pathetic, toady of a man currently doing his best to please him.

Over in his bunk, Michael is playing with the chicken foot. That’s disgusting Michael, put the thing down.

Crazy Mahone enters to give him some advice, which is basically to go for the kneecap. Michael smirks that fighting dirty is Mahone’s secret? Mahone, quite rightly, points out that there’s no such thing as clean in a place like this.

Michael wonders if Mahone actually cares. Mahone says that Michael is his get out of jail free card, which would be no good to him dead.

Out in the yard, all the inmates are excited by the thought of more violence. Bellick manages to slip a piece of paper in each fighter’s pocket, albeit not very surreptitiously.

Michael looks up at Lechero on the upper level, who now has T-Bag standing next to him. Great. Lech begins the fight by reminding them at there are no weapons allowed and without rules they’re just savages. Because giving each other chicken feet to signify a fight to the death is so civilised?

Anyway, Michael shouts that he won’t fight. Nodding Guy looks up at Lech to see what he should do, and Michael takes the opportunity to kick him in the kneecap. Mahone cheers him on from the sidelines, probably resisting the urge to proudly announce “I taught him that!”

The two fighters throw a few punches until Nodding Guy is down on the ground. Michael tries to leave, having won the fight, but the other inmates won’t let him. Seems Michael didn’t get the memo that this is a fight to the death.

There’s a bit more brawling and, once again, Michael comes out on top. But then someone throws a knife into the ring, which Nodding Guy grabs. Just as he’s about to stab Michael, Crazy Mahone jumps in and snaps Nodding Guy’s neck.

Mahone shouts that rules are rules and they said there would be no weapons. Lechero is not pleased with this result.


Garfield Building

After however long it’s been of walking around with his shirt half unbuttoned, Lincoln is shocked and appalled to be denied entry to the restaurant due to his lack of a jacket. This is easily solved as he strolls into the kitchen like he owns the place and buys one off a busboy.

He heads to the bar where the woman from the opening scene is already waiting. They flirt for a while and Lincoln wonders what happened to her face. She says it was a cat and explains that if you push anything into a corner too far the claws will come out. Although, with our cat you don’t even need to do that for him to claw the hell out of you.

Lincoln manages to tear himself away from the pretty lady to go and find his son. He only gets a few steps before she calls him back by his name. He slides a phone over towards him and suggests he talks to Michael.



The shouting woman is still there, demanding they bring out the dead.

Some military trucks arrive and exchange bottles of liquid for dead bodies. They shoot the bodies in the head, so I guess that’s not a viable escape plan. Michael watches this and you can almost see him mentally crossing “play dead” off his list.

One of the guards tells the shouting woman that the bodies will be buried there unless family members claim them. Despite all her shouting about her husband, she does not claim any of the bodies. Rather, she rifles through their pockets after the trucks have gone.

She finds what she’s looking for in Nodding Guy’s pocket. It’s the piece of paper Bellick snuck in there at the request of Wall Guy, which says:


Meanwhile, Michael is reading his own piece of paper, no doubt trying to work out what the hell it means. You know that Michael, can’t resist a good puzzle. Lincoln comes to visit him and Michael immediately wants to know how the transfer’s going.

Linc tells him that there are people who want him to break out. Michael says some guy already asked him and he said no. Linc tells him he’s got to do it and that the guy in the tunnels is James Whistler. Michael is really not happy about this idea; he insists that he can’t do it again.

Lincoln pulls out the big guns, or rather the phone, and shows him a video of LJ holding up a newspaper saying that they got him and Sara (who appears to be hunched over in the background) and begging Lincoln to do what they want.

Linc tells Michael that he has a week to find Whistler and get him out of there or Sara and LJ both die.

Michael is seriously wondering why he just can’t catch a break.


My thoughts

I really, REALLY hope Sara comes back. Really.

Sona doesn’t seem quite as bad as it did at the end of last season. Still a hell hole though.

No Sucre, although Amaury Nolasco was in the main credits, so hopefully he’ll turn up next week.

Overall, not as good as the Prison Break of old. I really think they should have wrapped everything up at the end of season two rather than dragging it on for another year. Especially if Sara isn’t going to be coming back. At least then she and Michael could have sailed off into the sunset together.

Can you tell I’m a little upset about the potential Sara-less-ness?

In non-Prison Break news, my personal statement sucks monkey balls. Seriously.
Tags: prison break, teaching

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