Caroline (crystalcazzie) wrote,
Caroline
crystalcazzie

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Upswing

Hey everyone. Thanks for the replies to my last entry. I'm feeling better now. A lot of that is due to last night when I spent a wonderful evening with Blue, Dwarfy and Paul. As well as having a great time, it also made me realise how far I've actually come. There I was, sitting at a table with three other people, one of whom I'd barely met before, chatting and laughing and having fun. A few years ago in that situation I would have been anxious and nervous and too scared to say anything. I'd have been sitting there silently, desperately wanting to get away and then later would have berated myself for being so pathetic and stupid and wasting such a perfect opportunity to have a social life.

I also got the train by myself, ordered my own drinks and walked with my head up rather than staring at my feet. All of which are great achievements from how I used to be.

And I'm getting out more. As well as last night, I'm giving blood this evening and going to Paul's to bake on Sunday. That's three trips out of the house this week!

Speaking of Paul's, I'm not sure I'll be able to get my files off my Apple laptop even with his computer because I'm not sure there are any ports to do it with. It doesn't have a firewire port because it pre-dates the creation of firewire. It does have a plug-in floppy drive, which is the best option. Unfortunately I cannot find it.

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Despite the upbeat nature of this post and recent events, I do find my optimism wavering just a bit with the two more library rejection letters I received today. One doesn't bother me too much, but the other was the Oxford OULS placement - The one I really wanted. So I'm kinda sad about that.
Tags: blood, computers, friends, librarian, social anxiety
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