Caroline (crystalcazzie) wrote,

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Still Here. Still Whining.

I haven't been posting here for a while because for the last week I have been feeling like I was about to break down and/or blow up. Which seems to be a common theme on my friends list as well, so I don't know if it's something about the time of year or some kind of infection passing through the internet that's spreading through LJ land like wildfire.

I still don't feel great. I haven't heard back from any libraries and while I desperately want a job I'm still terrified by the idea of getting one. I know I've been getting better with my confidence but the very thought of going to an interview still makes me feel sick. I have no idea how I'm going to do it. I just keep telling myself that I don't have a choice but I don't know if that's going to be enough when it comes down to it.

If it comes down to it, I should say. After all I've not exactly had much success so far. I've extended my field of search and have applied to my local library on a non-CILIP post as well as all the year-long ones I've been going for.

It looks like I may have to extend the search even further to non-library posts, but there's so little I see myself being able to do. And the crippling shyness is a hindrance to pretty much everything.

I hate this. I hate being so useless and I really hate that I'm 23 and not really living. I leave the house about once a week and that's a big improvement on how it used to be not so long ago when I could go weeks without venturing beyond the front steps. I have no job, I have no life and I have very little hope for the future.
Tags: librarian, social anxiety, unhappy, work

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