Caroline (crystalcazzie) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Still Here. Still Whining.

I haven't been posting here for a while because for the last week I have been feeling like I was about to break down and/or blow up. Which seems to be a common theme on my friends list as well, so I don't know if it's something about the time of year or some kind of infection passing through the internet that's spreading through LJ land like wildfire.

I still don't feel great. I haven't heard back from any libraries and while I desperately want a job I'm still terrified by the idea of getting one. I know I've been getting better with my confidence but the very thought of going to an interview still makes me feel sick. I have no idea how I'm going to do it. I just keep telling myself that I don't have a choice but I don't know if that's going to be enough when it comes down to it.

If it comes down to it, I should say. After all I've not exactly had much success so far. I've extended my field of search and have applied to my local library on a non-CILIP post as well as all the year-long ones I've been going for.

It looks like I may have to extend the search even further to non-library posts, but there's so little I see myself being able to do. And the crippling shyness is a hindrance to pretty much everything.

I hate this. I hate being so useless and I really hate that I'm 23 and not really living. I leave the house about once a week and that's a big improvement on how it used to be not so long ago when I could go weeks without venturing beyond the front steps. I have no job, I have no life and I have very little hope for the future.
Tags: librarian, social anxiety, unhappy, work

  • A Few Things

    The heavy rain of the past two nights mocked my feeble attempts to patch up the conservatory roof and water is still getting in. I suppose I can…

  • Equinox

    Happy official first day of autumn! I've chosen to celebrate this day by changing my theme to something appropriately pretty and autumnal. I'm also…

  • Hello, September!

    I usually make a post at the beginning of September saying how much I love this time of year. And I have no plans to stop now! So here we go... I…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened