Caroline (crystalcazzie) wrote,

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Prison Break Recap

Prison Break has returned. Halllelujah! As I was away for most of the week this recap was written in a hurry, not read through and so is probably completely rubbish. But it tells you what you need to know.

Episode 2.14 John Doe (Dominic Purcell reference!)

Previously on Prison Break: Lots of stuff happened months ago and we’ve all forgotten so let’s just get on with this episode:

In the Tunnel of Cornering and Betrayal, Michael and Lincoln decide to take their chances with Evil Paul and they all hop in a car together, leaving Poor Mahone lying on the ground with a bullet in him.

Poor Mahone however, is quite resilient and manages to make it to some stairs before slumping over unconscious, and this is where one of the police guys finds him and helpfully answers his phone for him. Kim is calling and is not pleased to hear that his boy has been shot.

Meanwhile, before Michael can grill Evil Paul too much about who the hell he is and why he’s helping them they come to a roadblock. Evil Paul manages to get them through without the car being checked, thus reaffirming my belief that cops on this show are completely incompetent. That, or they realise that recapturing the guys AGAIN would just be ridiculous.

Lincoln is sitting in the back seat of the car and you can see the cogs in his brain working overtime as he desperately tries to put together all the pieces of the situation. Eventually he realises that maybe, just maybe, a guy who tried to suffocate you then later on shoot at you is probably not your friend.

So Lincoln solves this problem the only way he knows how, by hitting the guy. If he had been smarter, he probably would have realised that attacking the person driving the moving vehicle you are currently riding in is not the best idea.

But they manage to make it safely to the side of the road where Linc threatens Evil Paul with his own gun asking why he shouldn’t shoot him right then and there. Evil Paul reveals that he knows where Terrence Steadman is, which is a pretty good incentive for keeping him alive. He also reveals that he has had another gun all this time and could have shot the brothers at any point in their little trip so far.

Over in Fox River, Bellick is experiencing life on the other side of the fence. He is approached by a large black gentleman whose physical appearance is probably best described as a wall. Indeed I feel that a car could drive right into him and he probably wouldn’t notice. Mr Wall wants Bellick to bring him his dessert after the next meal.

Down in Kansas, T-Bag is terrorising Susan and revealing himself to be a match for Haywire and Mahone in the crazy stakes. He wants them all to live as one big happy family again. Susan is more interested in reaching the gun she has stashed in a drawer. A drawer that is right at kid-level and has no lock. Way to go Stupid Susan!

In the car of fun and laughter talk has turned to the conspiracy and how Michael and Lincoln turned out to be more formidable than expected. Well, Michael is but I don’t think Linc posed that much of a challenge to be honest. Sorry man, I love you but face it – you’re dumb as a post and couldn’t find your way into your own house without your brother’s help. (Seriously, I’m not making this up. It was in season one.)

Evil Paul reveals that they chose Linc as the fall guy because his charming personality would win over any jury and, of course, he was a ne’r do well junkie.

Evil Paul’s phone rings, Evil Kim wants to know what happened. Evil Paul says that Linc shot Mahone and he’s so very sad about the loss of this valued colleague and friend. Evil Kim informs him that his sentiments are a little premature since Mahone lives to be crazy another day. Evil Paul not so happy about this but goes on to say that he killed Michael and Linc and will happily send pictures. I find myself looking forward to a nice little photo shoot with Michael and Linc giving themselves fake bullet wounds and doing their best ‘dead body’ impression while Evil Paul snaps his photos like a true artiste. “Yes! Yes, that’s fabulous!”

Up in Nebraska, Dee Dee wants to know where mommy is and can tell that daddy’s a big fat liar when he says everything is fine. C-Note calls his brother in law for an update and tells him to tell Kacee to blame it all on him. The brother in law is all ‘yep, already told her you jerk.’ I find his righteous indignation annoying since it was his fault that C-Note was sent to prison in the first place.

Meanwhile the guys have made it to an aeroplane hanger where a pilot is ready to take Owen and his buddies on a fishing trip. Michael wants to know how long the flight is, Lincoln is reluctant to board. I would be too since being in an enclosed space with the guy who tried to kill me and no way to escape is not my idea of a good plan.

In Albuquerque, Mahone is in the hospital recovering from his gunshot wound. But that doesn’t bother Evil Kim who calls him up and tells him to take out Evil Paul now that the brothers are dead. I’m amazed he actually bought that! Mahone then has the pleasure of informing him that Evil Paul has defected and is probably swanning off with the brothers right now. He ends the call with “have a good day, Kimmy” and I think I love him. So much.

Some random agent with Evil Kim points out that they neutered Evil Paul and he doesn’t exist any more. Um, yeah, random agent? You do know that taking him out of some photos doesn’t ACTUALLY make him disappear, right?

Up in Montana, Terrence Steadman is in his living room complaining about his life, or lack thereof. Apparently he didn’t think that faking his own death would mean he’d actually have to pretend to be dead. I think from now on I shall call him Whiny Terrence.

Back down in Albuquerque Mahone has decided that he has had enough and wants out. The agent with him threatens to tell on him regarding Shales but Mahone says he’ll come clean about it and do the time. He seems to have forgotten the other thing that the conspiracy has hanging over his head, namely his wife and son. Or maybe he doesn’t care about them any more.

In Fox River Bellick holds up his end of the bargain and delivers Mr Wall with a nice, yummy brownie. But Mr Wall is not satisfied since he has his entourage to think about and says from now on he wants Bellick to bring him five desserts with every meal. Or else he can serve them in…other ways. Bellick says he has candy in his pocket, which is a euphemism for ‘sock filled with hard objects’ that he uses to whack Mr Wall round the head. Mr Wall’s precious entourage are no help whatsoever and when the guards arrive, Bellick just casually saunters past them all. It is strangely impressive, albeit a bit difficult to believe.

In Kansas, Susan’s children have come home from school. Now, Stupid Susan didn’t tell her children that “Uncle Teddy” went to prison for rape and murder and apparently neither of them watch TV or have been anywhere near a newspaper. I mean, come on, the escapees have had their faces plastered over every available news source. Surely the kids would have caught a glimpse of him.

Anyway, Uncle Teddy tells the kids that his hand was injured on the oil rig that he went to work on and as a result he has five million dollars in compensation and now he just wants to spend his life and money with them. As a lovely, happy family. Susan is still eying the gun drawer.

By now the guys have landed in Montana and Lincoln informs Evil Paul that he will shoot him as soon as anything goes wrong. Evil Paul is well aware of this.

An agent informs Evil Kim that Evil Paul took the brothers on a trip to Montana. Probably not to go sight seeing. In the House of the Living Dead an agent gets the call to evacuate.

In Nebraska, C-Note is talking to a doll in an attempt to get his daughter to come out of the trailer. She does so and asks if mommy is in trouble like daddy was. C-Note says that mommy didn’t do anything wrong. However this opinion is not shared by the state of Nebraska and Kacee is charged with aiding a fugitive. But C-Note has a plan! When Kacee gets bail, they can meet up again and go to Alaska to work with fish. Or something. I don’t think C-Note really thinks things through.

But back in Montana, things are really heating up. Just as the agents escort Whiny Terrence out of the house, Evil Kim calls to say he’s sending a car right now. But wait! A car is already here! Evil Paul jumps out brandishing his gun and after some shouting and shooting, the guys manage to get away with Whiny Terrence in tow.

In Albuquerque Mahone gets a call from his wife, who is very upset by the fact that their son has been involved in a hit and run accident, leaving him with his leg broken in two places. Mahone tells her to stay calm and he’ll be there as soon as he can.

Outside the hospital, the agent from before asks Mahone how his boy is, explaining that tib-fib fractures are bad, especially if the growth plate is affected. Time for Mahone to get back to work.

Michael, Lincoln, Evil Paul and Whiny Terrence have found themselves a nice hotel room to hole up in until the conspiracy think they’re thousands of miles away. Michael suggests the time honoured classic of taking a photo of Terrence with today’s newspaper. My first thought is that that could be faked so easily, but apparently there’s a more serious problem with the plan. Namely that in order to fake the man’s death completely, the conspiracy removed his teeth and fingerprints, did some plastic surgery on his face and threw away all his DNA records. I wonder if that explains why season one Terrence looks so different from season two Terrence.

Evil Paul’s suggestion is that they go to Washington DC and find help on the inside. I don’t see how that’ll work to be honest. Surely at this point nobody can be trusted?

Down in the Creepy House of Creepiness, T-Bag is watching TV with his girlfriend and kids. Stupid Susan manages to make an excuse to go to the kitchen and heads straight for the gun drawer where, dun dun dun, there is no gun. T-Bag is not happy that Susan betrayed him like this and the weird thing is, I think he is genuinely shocked and upset. Which sends him way up in the crazy stakes.

The son works out that something is amiss and whacks Uncle Teddy with his skateboard. Susan shouts for him to take his sister and run but T-Bag beats them to the door and once again they are all trapped.

Bellick is back in his cell in Fox River and orders Avocado to give him the top bunk. After the last episode I was so sure that Avy would be his main tormentor but apparently being castrated softens you up. One of the guards approaches the cell to let Bellick know that what he did was perhaps not the best move since Mr Wall has connections on night shift and they’re going to pull him from his cell later. The guard can’t do anything but warn him, and point out that the guys on nights are only working then because Bellick made them, so they’re not going to be too sympathetic towards him. Should have been nicer when you had the chance, Brad.

In the Montana hotel room, Whiny Terrence makes fun of Evil Paul. Seems he once proposed to Evil Caroline and she turned him down. Lincoln snaps and threatens Terrence with a gun. Seems he’s only just worked out that the man was there when they killed Veronica. It’s a shame she died, the two of them were a match made in heaven. I can just see them doing the morning crossword together. “Three down, person incarcerated for a crime. Eight letters, starts with P.” They’d solve that one by dinner time, no problem!

Evil Paul talks Lincoln down with the fact that if they kill Terrence now, they have nothing to prove he was alive. And that would screw up this plan royally.

Brother in law calls C-Note back and informs him that Kacee was denied bail. What a shock! How could they think that someone who was planning on fleeing with her fugitive husband would possibly be a flight risk? C-Note says he’ll turn himself in, but apparently Kacee has already vetoed that idea since they’d both end up in prison and Dee Dee wouldn’t have anyone.

In the Montana hotel room, Whiny Terrence has a very Haywire-eqsue moment and stares at a painting of a boy and a girl in a field. Looks like another one for the loony club.

Michael doesn’t think that Lincoln and Terrence will survive the journey to DC in the same car so he decides that the best course of action is to call the local news station and turn himself in. Evil Paul tells him that’s a bad idea because they’ll call the cops. And if I’m not mistaken, the cops in this area are controlled by the conspiracy. But Evil Paul doesn’t mention this, he just threatens to shoot Michael then doesn’t do it.

T-Bag boards up the front door and declares that they will be a family even if it kills them. How romantic.

In Fox River poor ickle Bellick is being taunted by calls of “Bradley”. He tells Avocado that if he helps him, he’ll really appreciate it. But Avocado is not stupid. Bellick, however, is and shouts back that if they want him they should come and gret him because he isn’t scared. Then his cell door opens.

Mahone is in a car and calls Evil Kim, telling him he’s back on the job. Kim asks if he got his message then. Mahone answers in the affirmative then opens the boot of his car to reveal the agent from before with a gaping bullet wound in his forehead. You just can’t stop killing people, can you Mahone?

Up in the hotel room, Whiny Terrence has had enough. He grabs Lincoln’s gun and threatens the guys. Michael tries to reason with him, appealing to his better nature and saying that so many people have suffered because of this and Terrence needs to set it right.

But that would be too much like hard work and Whiny Terrence would much rather shoot himself in the head. Leaving the guys with nothing but a John Doe in a hotel room.

And it is of course at this point that the police arrive and the boys have to scarper and come up with a new plan next week.


My thoughts:

No Sara. No Sucre. What is the world coming to?!
Throughout almost all the Michael/Lincoln/Evil Paul scenes I was shouting at them to bring up Sara, after all she has the key to solving this whole thing and they all know it. Couldn’t one of you have brought up her name even in passing, you know “what about Sara?” and that could have lead to discussion about her and perhaps Evil Paul saying that he tried but couldn’t get anything out of her. Which would then lead to Michael beating the crap out of him.

Also, chapter four of What I Did On My Winter Hiatus is up. Read it!
Tags: prison break

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