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Can't Just Enjoy It, Can I?

Pub quiz went well, but for some reason I am filled with anxiety today, feeling like I must have said or done something stupid last night and everyone on the team hates me and doesn't want me there any more.

I keep telling myself it's probably not true, but then I remember something silly that I did say and I wonder if they all picked up on it and I'm right in thinking that they all hate me.

I hope it's not true.

On the bright side, we did win again. That's good because it makes me feel like my presence is more of a help than a hindrance, which is another accusation my anxiety likes to whisper in my ear. At the moment I can say we have a 100% success rate with me on the team!

Getting up this morning wasn't a problem, probably because I was so worried about missing my train if I overslept. It was interesting to see how many people are already up and on public transport at 6am. I do like being up early and sometimes I wonder if I could do it regularly, but I'm not sure I'd be able to keep it up. Although having said that, it's not like I'm up late at the moment. I do start work at 8am after all.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
rachg82
Jun. 11th, 2015 07:31 pm (UTC)
I really, really doubt anyone hates you. I know how convincing that socially anxious voice can be though. Self-esteem is not easy, but I think the people who are truly hate-able don't doubt themselves nearly as often as decent people.
crystalcazzie
Jun. 14th, 2015 04:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I really hope you're right! I just wish I could shut up the socially anxious voice that seems determined to ruin everything any time I try to venture out and enjoy myself...
rachg82
Jun. 14th, 2015 04:20 pm (UTC)
Man, I hear ya. Mine is way better now than it was in my early twenties, but it's still definitely disruptive. It's hard to be objective about that stuff, but that's the best/only way I've learned to deal with it.
crystalcazzie
Jun. 14th, 2015 04:31 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I've come a long way from how I used to be and I try to hold on to that. It's just difficult sometimes (as I'm sure you understand!)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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